The love of a Father

You know, it's amazing. I haven't even left for my DTS yet, and already God has been moving and changing me and drawing me nearer to Him. I feel like I am extremely vulnerable right now. That's not something that I enjoy. I've completely lost control of everything in my life, and if any of you know me, you know that's something I struggle with. I've always been a planner and very detail oriented. That's just my personality, I like to be in control. So I'm in this place where (as I've said in so many past posts) I've felt very desperate, antsy to leave, alone, nervous. I don't have enough money for my trip, my church is slowly disappearing, and I feel like I have no covering. I don't even know what to expect on this trip.

But my God has come in a way that I couldn't have dreamed. I remember the first day after coming home from Disney World knowing that I still had 10 days left. I had a day full of circumstances that tested every ounce of patience my little body could hold and I hadn't had a good conversation with Scotty since he left. I remember driving home and wishing so bad that I could call him and he would somehow make me feel better. I was racking my brain trying to think of someone who could come give me a good long hug. But nothing came through.

I remember driving down the highway with tears just streaming down my face, finally begging God to bring me the comfort I needed. "God... I can't do this any more. I can't keep going like this. I need your strength and I need your love, cause I'm feeling so desperate, and so incomplete and so discontent. And i know I'm hurting everyone I'm around and I just need you to be my strength..." And for the rest of the ride I remember sitting there saying "please God, please. I need you. I need you so bad. I just need you..."

And He came. I must have looked so pathetic. Even just writing that I wonder why it took me so long to get to that point and turn to Him. Cause when I called out, He came running full force. I have just been so overwhelmed with His love and comfort for me this week. He has not held back. My friends and my family have been so wonderful to me. They've taken care of me and put up with all my moods and neediness. But no one has been there like my Father.

He reminded me who I belong to. He's written his name on my life and He's not going to let go. I know I'm safe in His arms, so that's where I am running. I know my God is stronger than any other. He is the provider, the healer, protector. What can stand against Him? Certainly not these desperate lies that the enemy has been screaming in my ears every second of every day. The warfare has begun, but I have the God of the universe and the lover of my soul on my side. What is there to fear?

What a comfort it has been know that my life as well as the lives of those I'm leaving behind are not in my hands. Instead they are in the infinitely more capable hands of our Creator who loves us so much more than anyone on this earth could try to love. And He has equipped me with an armor to fight that cannot be penetrated. It's His word and His promises that I must never forget. While the things of this world are fleeting, the promise of my Lord will never fade away.

And I haven't even started my school yet. I'm ready to go though. I've been broken down this week and I've been brought back to my first love. I'm ready to go learn Him all over again.

Don't get my wrong, I still desperately need your prayers. I'm still nervous. And I'm a worrier. I worry about what's going to happen to my friends, my family, to Scotty while I'm not there. But I just need to remember that my Father loves them more than I do. And He has His name on them too.

We are safe in His big, comforting arms.